omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
