I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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