After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
