brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
