My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
