I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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