There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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