There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
