Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
