I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
