I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
