Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
