Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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