Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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