dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
