the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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