I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
