you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
