he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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