You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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