Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
