Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
