ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
