I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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