I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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