ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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