She is in my trunk
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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