God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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