I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish I only lived at night.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
