Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
