Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
