Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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