Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
