Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
