just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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