ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
