so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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