Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
