Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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