The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
