I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
