WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
