I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
