fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
