I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
