God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
