$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
