I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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