I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
