I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
